I used to think that if I was a good person, things should work out for me. I spent a lot of times doing things that were “good”. I put others over myself and thought that meant good things would happen to me, and well, that didn’t work out as I had expected. I did everything I was supposed to do and ended up sick, tired, and miserable because my underlying beliefs were that I needed to do / be something other than what I was in order to be worthy. I used to be a perfectionis

When you have anxiety like I do, there are some points where everything feels way too scary and real and heavy. There are situations where it feels like time is standing still and I’ll never get out of the pain of the moment. And then, it fades. Every single time. I’m learning to not be so scared and my anxiety has gotten to the point where it’s almost non existent. I used to have anxiety that would paralyze me into in decision and at some points made me literally go lay down

I believe that life is a mix of the actions we take, which are largely based on our subconscious beliefs, and some sort of connection between everything. Two-fold. We are both in control and out of control at the same time. That’s the duality of having a human experience. Letting go of what we cannot control is super important for inner peace. Controlling what we can is extremely important for expansion. I was listening to a meditation today and the words playing in my backgr

I haven’t been keeping up with a morning routine lately. I’ve been rolling out of bed basically 15 minutes before I head to my kitchen table (temporary home office) for my 9-5 job that has been remote for over a month now. To say my morning “rut” started after NY mandated to stay at home would be a lie. It’s been around for months before that. The last part of 2018 was a really big year of change for me in a really positive way. It started with a two month long social media d

I sat on the train home wondering “why?”, once again. Today, I didn’t take very good care of myself and I’m feeling sick physically, mentally, and emotionally. I guess it’s a good thing I can recognize the cause pretty easily now. I used to live in the state more often than not: forgetting about me and letting everything else get my attention. The attention I was giving to everyone and everything else wasn’t very good. It was scattered. It was frazzled. It was drained and som

Today, I’m here to say you are not broken. Just because you’ve experienced these thoughts throughout your lifetime doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Just because your anxious or depressed or any label stamped onto you doesn’t mean that defines you. A lot of us have been set up for this type of thinking because we were all raised by imperfect humans, live in an imperfect society, and we, ourselves, are imperfect. Imperfect doesn’t mean broken, it simply means human

Daily habits can be magic or poison. They can feed my soul or my ego. I’ve been working on myself for quite some time and have had many realizations over the past few years but this really is the one that effects me the most. “You are what you repeatedly do” is so fricken true. I was caught in a cycle of toxic thoughts even when I was practicing spirituality. I would constantly think something was wrong with me and still struggled with self-esteem and confidence until I reali

Believing the future can be better than the present moment is what faith is all about, and the opposite- thinking it will be worse is what fear is. If both need our energy, why would I actively choose to use the beautiful power of my mind and imagination against myself? Why assume I know that things are going to unfold badly when it’s just a choice to have faith that things can, do, and will work out better than I had hoped for? Each time I’ve gone through a “bad” experience,

myself, my relationship(s), and my work – but I know now that nothing happens in isolation and this is very evident given the fact that I am experiencing big changes in all of them at this point in time. Transitions can be stressful – any change can be scary and when they’re going on in a bunch of different areas it can be overwhelming. There’s so much to do and sometimes it doesn’t feel like there’s enough time to do everything. I noticed myself getting into a mindset surrou

I place expectations on myself, other people, and situations as we all do since this is a human experience. We learn from when we’re young that expectations can protect us and we learn from our parents to place them on all sorts of things. When we didn’t live up to our parents expectations we were punished or given the talk “I’m not mad, just disappointed” ugh what a dagger to that heart that line was. People can only be disappointed if there’s an expectation along with it. T

Sometimes I get frustrated with myself for making decisions that aren’t the best for me. I think this may happen to a lot of people who have decided to take responsibility for their life. I know that only I have control over what I say and what I do, so when I say something or act in a way that is not my best, I feel like I’m backtracking – not living life the way I know I am capable of. It’s harder for me to forgive myself than to forgive other people. I feel responsible for

Sometimes I get frustrated with myself for making decisions that aren’t the best for me. I think this may happen to a lot of people who have decided to take responsibility for their life. I know that only I have control over what I say and what I do, so when I say something or act in a way that is not my best, I feel like I’m backtracking – not living life the way I know I am capable of. It’s harder for me to forgive myself than to forgive other people. I feel responsible for

Do you believe in signs? You could call me a sign-maniac. Not in a bad way, just in a – I can see anything and relate it back to some sort of connection even if it’s faaaarrr stretch to some. I love all kinds of signs. I love number signs. I love looking up their meanings even when I know them verbatim most of the time. I guess this is my way of validating what I already know to be true. I like to think the universe is backing me up. I usually get tons of signs when I’m in th

Have you ever listened to their misinformed (or completely uninformed) comments instead of your own intuition? Welcome to the full-time life of Erin circa 1991-2016, and part-time Erin throughout 2017-2018. 2019 has been the year of me listening to myself – the year of me deciding I know what’s best for me – the year of taking control of my own life instead of being a blind participant in it. It’s hard sometimes to disassociate from the opinions of others. It’s hard to let go

Love, the natural way that we were born to operate and ever-lasting. Fear, the mask(s) that clouds – born of this earth and die once we transform. It’s really interesting to see the dynamic between my life when I make decisions in love and oppositely, in fear. Every time I do something in love I feel clear, light, and things seem to fall together so seamlessly and easily. They just flow. Whenever I do something in fear, I feel clouded, heavy, and everything feels like work: h

I’ve realized that I truly cannot be troubled by something without my own consent. I wrote this sentence early this morning with a very different post in mind. This was prior to my bus back to NYC getting cancelled along with every other bus for the day. After learning this I ran as fast I could to buy an Amtrak ticket and ran to the train. Made it with 5 minutes to spare before it left. It was also on track 26, my birthday and favorite number. The train number is 88. And the

I’m currently sitting on a bus to Washington DC to march in my first Women’s March. My mom asked me months ago if I’d come with her and I had no second thought when I initially told her yes. And then time went on and fear kicked in. What about security? What if something happens there? What’s the weather going to be like? Am i going to get sick in the rain? And then there’s the fact that this women’s march has also sparked a lot of controversy (i don’t pay attention to the ne

Health is now one of my most important goals. But what is health? How do I get to be healthy? For me, it started by realizing there must be something more than what I was doing. You could say it was a spiritual awakening but I think there’s so much misunderstanding behind that term. I’d rather call it a knowing. A knowing came over me that what I was doing wasn’t working and there must be another way. And I felt a purpose for the first time in my life. To live a life I was de

There is a lot of focusing on the now, the present moment, within spirituality as the premise is that there is no where else we can be except for this moment. I’ve worked on focusing on this for quite some time and it’s getting easier with practice. I also think there is immense lessons to learn from the past and a lot of value in thinking of the future as well, but the only way I have been effectively using them is through the present moment. The present tense learning happe

We always think we have more time. At least I’ve seen myself get into that habit of thinking. “I can do it later, [tomorrow, next week, Monday, next year]”, fill in with whichever the future moment we place our dreams into is. The truth of the matter is we have no idea on how much time we have. The timing of life is unexpected. The timing of death is unexpected. We fear death as if we have a choice in it even though it’s something we all share, the mortality of the human body