I'm not perfect. Sometimes I'm guarded, sometimes my feelings feel like too much Sometimes I feel like too much and I don’t even know how to tell the people close to me what I need because I don’t know what I need.
Remembering I'm human is the biggest way I can give myself grace because I'm not supposed to have it all figured out & I think I'm here to remind you through reminding myself that you can do really amazing things even when you're still a work in progress.
I let myself have a mental health day today. Last night was extremely emotional for me and I woke up feeling like I was made of weights.
There's a lot of reasons why I was feeling the way I was feeling, the perfect storm of emotions came crashing through.
The only way I know how to communicate my feelings when I'm in the midst of it is through writing. I always felt safest keeping my emotions close to me because I did not always have a safe space to communicate them. And even though I do now, it often feels so hard to tell people how I actually feel. It feels hard to let them see me in my most vulnerable because I am used to having that used against me.
I'm still working on that.
Giving myself permission to feel and just be in the feelings last night and this morning feels alchemizing. I realize now that not working at my 9-5 has opened up a lot of space for me to feel when I used to be able to distract myself.
I had a feeling that when my job finally ended, I would be presented with so much opportunity for healing and growth beyond what I was used to and it might be uncomfortable. I didn't think that all of my stuff would be solved just by working in alignment with my dreams and now I'm being catapulted into more spaces that deserve to be looked at and healed.
I just wanted to share this because I know that it's important to show that no one has it all figured out, especially not me, and that doesn't take away how beautiful or powerful you are in any way shape or form.
Our humanness is our greatest asset, but it can take so much work to truly believe that. Give yourself time to process whatever is coming up. Clarity will come eventually. And then you'll be presented with something new to work through. Which is as much beautiful as if it is emotional.
You've got this, even when it feels like you don't. It's all part of the process.