My spiritual journey has been going on for 5 years now, give or take a few months. In the beginning it started with me being sick of the way things were and realizing there had to be another way to do things. So I dived into every self help book out there- every book that told me what to do to live a happy life. I would do the exercises like a determined student with homework. And then, I didn’t really see changes. Slight changes maybe, but nothing that I considered of any real value. So I stopped doing the exercises, I stopped being obsessed with reading every book I got my hand on. I stopped researching so many things. When I stopped doing these things, I started to listen in place of them. I’d be an active listener, listening to my thoughts, listening to the way my body felt after certain interactions. And then I’d forget. I’d forget to listen and my reactivity would creep up again. I’d react like a powder keg instead of responding. And then I’d feel guilty because I thought I knew better than that. And then I’d start listening again. This cycle repeats to this very day.
What I thought was yet another reflection of inconsistency was actually just me in the ebbs and flows-the cycles in my life. Sometimes we’re up and sometimes we’re down. Sometimes things are easy and sometimes they’re hard. Sometimes we learn a lesson immediately and other times it takes 5 or 6 (or 200 🙃) times of the same thing happening over and over again. In the beginning of my spiritual journey I was trying to rush a journey to get to the goal of a happy life and you know what happens when you try and rush through life right? It passes right by you.
Progress doesn’t happen in an instant. It takes a lot of time for us to see real changes. And then when we start to see the internal changes happen we get upset that all the other people around us don’t recognize how much we’ve grown. But the reality is that internal change is the biggest part of our growth. Nothing on the outside really matters much. The outside stuff comes with time as long as we keep working on the inside. Keep trying to improve but being completely happy and loving where we are at every step of the way. Every time I got obsessed with an outcome it slipped away from me so fast and I would fall on my face. I’ve learned to give it time, to let things happen in the way they’re supposed to. Surrender to what is, what has been, and what will be. All I have to do is focus on myself: my mind, my words, my actions by listening and responding accordingly. That is literally ALL I have to do in order to create the life I want. So no matter how many money I spend on seminars, books, conferences, or whatever, if I don’t focus on these three things it’s all worthless.
Be your own guru. Be your own teacher. There is no need to idolize anyone. Idolization is 100% ego based. No one else can possibly tell you something that is universally true that you don’t already know. No one is better than you or less than you. We all just are. You may have forgotten this temporarily but by listening and pausing, if we do it often, this comes back. And only you know what’s best for you, always. Going the bold route and saying STOP 🛑 ✋🏻 giving your power to other people who can’t do anything but misplace it. They really don’t know what’s best for you and they never will. Listen to yourself. Your true self. The self that exists behind all of the mindless chatter that eats away at you day by day. There is a you that is at peace. There is a you that is happy. The only question is, which “you” are feeding through your thoughts, words, and actions? I ask myself this everyday and once I honestly answer the question, I know what I have to do. And you will know what you’ll have to do too if you listen too.
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