No longer resorting to self-sabotage all because of a ‘bad moment’ or ‘bad day’. Let’s not hold onto

I sat on the train home wondering “why?”, once again.

Today, I didn’t take very good care of myself and I’m feeling sick physically, mentally, and emotionally. I guess it’s a good thing I can recognize the cause pretty easily now. I used to live in the state more often than not: forgetting about me and letting everything else get my attention.

The attention I was giving to everyone and everything else wasn’t very good. It was scattered. It was frazzled. It was drained and somewhat chaotically manic at the same time. Where attention goes, energy flows – and boy did my energy flow out of me like a tire with a huge cash in it.

The past year has been one of exponential growth and it’s also been extremely humbling. Humanness, ah what a concept, what an experience we’re having here now. Once we think we have things figured out, universe gently (or intensely) reminds us that our existence here isn’t meant to be fully figured out. Maybe our purpose is to try our best and then to get better than what our best was yesterday, while accepting ourselves the whole time – regardless of how we do- regardless of if we “fail”.

So today, my best wasn’t stellar but it was the best I could do. I let work get to me. I let stress bother me more than usual. I didn’t take care of my body very well. I didn’t take a break. I had more anxiety than I’ve been experiencing as of recently. Just watching that today my best wasn’t super but that’s ok. I can regroup. I can re-learn the same lesson that I’ve been taught many times before because I sometimes forget it. I can let go. I can surrender. I’m calm now, my face is red and I’m nauseous as this train carries on, instead of going to yoga like I planned I’m just gonna sit and let this pass, maybe eat some healthy food since I didn’t do much of that today. This day doesn’t have to turn into a month of me not doing well. This day doesn’t have to turn into a year of me letting my old habits take over. I’ve learned, but I’m still working out the kinks. Tomorrow’s a new day, and I can do better. I will do better for myself because I deserve it. No need to beat myself up or eat a bunch of junk or drink a lot because emotions aren’t healed by outlets. They’re healed by sitting with them and letting them pass through. So that’s what I’m going to do. Let them pass. Let them flow. Let them go.

Whatever you’re holding onto from today, if it was a shitty moment, a shitty experience, or an overall shitty day, try not to carry it into tomorrow. it doesn’t have to ruin your week, your weekend, your month, your year. It’s just a shitty day and that’s alright.

Sending love to whoever needs it.

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