RESET° friday thoughts

My thoughts have been serious Debbie downers today. I’ve been writing all day and opening up new notes for new posts because nothing I wrote felt like it had any value because I’m not feeling like myself. But then I realized it’s more important to write when I don’t feel like myself and it’s extremely important that I share these moments too because it’s a part of life to feel doubtful, frustrated, and insignificant. But we if we share it, if we call it out for what it is (a bunch of LIES!!), it loses its power. And overtime the feelings become less and less. But for now, here I am.

I’ve boiled most of my feelings today down to something so simple: food. It affects every part of our lives, physical, emotional, mental, & spiritual, and I am one of the lucky (🙄) ones who is extremely sensitive to wheat & dairy & added sugars. I really think we all are to an extent but these things wreak havoc on my body and when I eat them, I turn into the anti-Erin.

It’s really funny because up until a few months ago I was eating these things everyday, completely unaware of the fact that they were draining me! Well, I knew they weren’t the greatest but I didn’t really care and I definitely did not know the extent of their effects. These foods are the answers to my years of tiredness and grogginess. I had accepted the fact that I was just a sleepy-girl. Little did I know I actually have a ton of energy when I fuel my body correctly. The girl who used to fall asleep on the subway every morning (WITHOUT. FAIL. you can ask my boyfriend) now was reading and writing and meditating and full of life on the morning commutes. The girl who was running on caffeine all day everyday now didn’t need coffee. The girl who was setting 35 alarms just to make it out of the house at the last possible second was now waking up without an alarm between 5:30 and 6 AM everyday. And then, December came. Dun. Dun. Dun.

So, holidays, family stuff, treats galore, staycation funtimes all have a factor in the way I feel today. I ate myself into oblivion. Granted, I’ve actually eaten a lot less than what I used to eat on a daily, non-holiday basis because I physically cannot anymore which I’ll put in my little win column. But I still don’t feel good. I still crave the energy I know I can have. So I decided to start whole-30 again and I am in serious withdrawal mode. I’m tired, but couldn’t sleep, and I don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone or look at anything unless it’s a rainbow cookie. But I’m showing up for myself again. This is my self-care. The real Erin needs this because I don’t want to go back to having no energy. I want to be able to wake up early and have energy throughout the day. I want to have mental clarity and feel good about myself and this is how I do that. I was beating myself up SO much today but I actually feel better writing it out. There’s no need to do that. We self-sabotage by demonizing anything we didn’t do perfectly when we will NEVER be perfect. But we wouldn’t learn if we were perfect. We would never be able to thrive if everything was perfect all the time. We wouldn’t collaborate with people or be able to find our purpose if we were perfect. This is much better than perfect. Figuring things out. Seeing what works, what doesn’t work, and reaching for higher things once we realize we’re capable of more. So today, I’ve decided I am capable of more, I am worthy of more, and I can reset any time I want. And now is as perfect time as any. 😝

Love & light friends ✨

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#spiritual #growth #feelings #perfect #writers #blog #reset #emotions #learning

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