Toxic masculinity doesn't exist.

Unpopular opinion here: Toxic Masculinity doesn't exist.

It's very catchy to use that phrase in conjunction with the idea that people (typically men) who exhibit extreme anger, violence, and over-protectiveness are showing their toxic masculinity. In direct opposition to defining these traits as masculine, I believe what they're actually showing is a dis-regulated nervous system, inability to healthily process their emotions, and toxic relationship dynamics at the root.

This is not masculinity at all.

Masculine energy is about giving. It is stability and structure. It is about action taking. It is rational thinking. It is confidence, focus, loyalty, efficiency.

What we often associate as toxic masculinity is actually a false narrative. I think it also takes responsibility away from each person who displays unhealthy behavior. By claiming it is the energy (masculine), we are basically that it is just the way it is. But in truth, each individual has capability of both healing and being held accountable for their actions.

The confident, rational thinker does not act out in ways that are violent. The healthy action taker uses their logical mind to understand that they are allowed to feel their emotions, and don't need to create a scene in order to be heard.

I understand we live in a society that has primarily taught men that they are meant to put on a brave face and not show their emotions. This is not to discount the power of conditioning and unhealthy societal norms or to say it has no role in the way individuals act, because it does. But we are at a point in time that is re-writing what it means to be in relation with others, undoing gender roles and understanding that not all people even fall on a gender spectrum at all, and the old way of being is not going to cut it.

If we continuously slap catchy phrases we are just contributing to the issue of separation instead of looking at how to heal. I vote to remove toxic masculine from the narrative because what we are calling toxic masculinity isn't masculine at all. It is quite the opposite.


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