Going along with yesterday’s theme of Trust, I was reminded of a situation a week ago that I had completely lost trust in my own inner guide that I wanted to share.
I always thought that every single person knew better than me about my life. I followed their breadcrumbs down a path that led to self loathing and severe unhappiness. I became addicted to adderall in search of a false holyland. I listened to everyone else but my own inner guide. I’d get stuck in deep depressions and anxious episodes and wonder how I ended up there each and every time.
I realized one day that there had to be some part I was playing in my own demise. I had to take a step back and look and see where I was the contributing factor. I had to investigate what patterns got me into where I was, and decided that if I could change my patterns, maybe I could change my experience and find meaning behind my life.
Last week I was criticized online and I felt myself getting triggered into old habits of losing faith in myself. I was able to recognize it quicklly but it still comes up pretty frequently that I abandon my own inner guide for the opinions of others and get lost in thoughts. Their comments were my fear materialized, being seen as fake, attention-seeking, damaged, unfixable, needing medical help, blah blah blah, and guess what, I survived!
This was a reminder that I have to trust myself. Their comments made me question my own knowing and intuition for around an hour out of my day & of course, since I am writing about it now – it lingered. While its not a “bad” thing to take what others say and feel into consideration, and I would say it’s actually important for connection, it’s also VERY important to understand that your own guidance is the most important thing above all.
I temporarily got lost in their comments just like I got lost in the comments of those around me for most of my experience in my 29 years so far. I let what others said and thought influence my own headspace and for a lot of the time- what I did and what I said. I hid my own truth in order to please others. I’ve now come to the realization that sometimes I need to disappoint, argue, or risk being disliked by others if it means I’m sticking to my own truth. I need to put trust in myself over everyone else. I need to trust that as long as I work on myself and compassionately/kindly respond to others, I am doing the right thing.
It’s easy to question yourself when others question you. It’s pretty convincing to think that you don’t know best. But we are the ONLY ones who are capable of being masters of our own experience. We are the ONLY ones who know what we truly want. We are also the only ones who can go after it. We can only influence what we say and do – not what others say and do.
I’ve decided once again that it’s time to trust my own intuition because I was miserable when every action I took was based on others’ wants and expectations of me. I was exhausted trying to fit a role I wasn’t born to play. I’ve learned that setting boundaries, saying no, and being open to disappointing others or being disliked is often the most trusting and self-loving thing we can do.
I came here to say that it’s time to trust you. It’s time to trust in your own power. It’s time to trust that you know what to do for your own life. The funny is that we’re all just winging it, but we so openly accept other’s criticisms or ideas as truth when they have no clue either.
It’s time to act like the boss of your own experience, because you are. We can’t control everything but we can choose how we respond to life. We can choose to listen to our own inner guide instead of the mindless chatter of the world around us.
Doing this, by listening to myself – by being authentic in every situation, I’ve learned that it really doesn’t matter what others think of me anymore because I know what’s true and what’s not. I know me better than anyone else can ever know me, and that is a superpower if we understand and allow our lives to align in the way it was meant to.
I trust in me to know me.
I trust in you to know you.
& what you think of me, is truly none of my business.
It’s time to release others expectations and thoughts about you, and go after what you want to become the person you want to be. We’re all capable of it, and I just want you to know you are so powerful, even if it doesn’t feel like it.