We attract what we believe we are worthy of instead of what we actually deserve.

I used to think that if I was a good person, things should work out for me. I spent a lot of times doing things that were “good”. I put others over myself and thought that meant good things would happen to me, and well, that didn’t work out as I had expected. I did everything I was supposed to do and ended up sick, tired, and miserable because my underlying beliefs were that I needed to do / be something other than what I was in order to be worthy.

I used to be a perfectionist. I used to be so tough on myself. I never believed I was worthy of good things. My outer life reflected that. I was addicted to adderall, nicotine, anorexic or stuck in disordered eating, over-caffeinated, sleep-deprived, constantly in toxic relationships, and in crippling debt. I thought poorly of myself based on old stories I clung onto.

I’ve healed so much over the last few years but recently I realized that I never stopped to look around to where it got me. I never basked in the glory of this moment. And I still felt badly about myself.

I decided to learn different healing modalities and just tune into myself daily. Instead of thinking of it as work, or something to change, I now know it’s something to do to understand my own beautiful uniqueness and capabilities.

A few weeks ago I had a huge shift. I know it’s because of all of the things I’ve done over the last few years, and because I’ve finally accepted the fact that I am worthy and fully believe it. That feeling hasn’t wavered for weeks, and I don’t see it happening but maybe it will. I have tools to help.

My life today is beautiful and I feel very grateful. I’ve got everything I need and many things I want. I have a stable job, many things I’m passionate about, and am building a business in addition to my full-time job.

Two days ago, I had made a mistake. A simple one, but historically, no matter the size of the error, it would send me into a spiral: “I’m an idiot!” “What’s wrong with me?” And ruin my whole day about it. But two days ago, I literally sang, as if I was a kid, “I made a mistake, and that’s OK! Everyone makes mistakes!” Immediately after, I smiled so big because that was showing something deep down inside of me has shifted immensely.

I just received some praise at work yesterday and I was fully open and knew I was deserving of it. It was a big moment as many important people were there to hear it, and I was singled out by name. I didn’t shy away or downplay it, I said thank you, proudly!

Things are falling together because I finally know that I am worthy.

I just wanted to let you know that really wonderful things can happen once you focus your energy on you. We can’t change what we did in the past. I spent so much years in shame over things I did when I didn’t know better. Beating yourself up today does nothing but ruin this moment.

I wanted to share some affirmations as a practice if anyone is interested. They have really helped me on my journey.

I am worthy. My past doesn’t define me. Every day I can choose a different way of showing up. I deserve the life I want.

Erin Panzarella

channeler & akashic records reader

We attract what we believe we are worthy of instead of what we actually deserve.

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